Fushigi Yuugi: Gone Swimmin'!
by Kageri
Summary: A kawaii little cross-over of FY and Ranma with interesting new curses. Humiliations galore. A MUST READ, demo, not for too young of readers. Adult language... ^_^
1. Suzaku Surf's Up!

Fushigi Yuugi: Gone Swimming

Fushigi Yuugi: Gone Swimming

"Are we there yet?" Tasuki moaned.  
  
"No." Chiriko whined back, in an equally irritated voice. A few minutes later…  
  
"Are we there YET?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Tasuki pouted on the horse and Chiriko gave him a tired look. "Tasuki-san, I know you want to get there and get back to your bandits, but it's still quite a way to the Shinzaho. They don't grow on trees, you know."  
  
Tasuki nodded and patted his head. He was a smart kid, and Tasuki liked him. If the kid wanted to become a bandit, he'd be a helluva bookkeeper. Sure the boy'd have to toughen up, but he'd take care of him. However, he didn't think that the kid was all that interested.  
  
"Tamahome…" Miaka sighed and snuggled closer to the bishonen she shared a horse with.  
  
"Miaka…."  
  
"Tamahome…"  
  
"Miaka…"  
  
"Are we there YET?"  
  
"Tasuki-san does it LOOK like we're there yet?!"   
  
"URUSAI NA NO DA!" Chichiri wailed. The entire group fell silent and looked at him. He sweatdropped. "Ano… we should hurry to get the Shinzaho no da."  
  
"My beauty could be marred if I exert myself enough to sweat. We must take a break." Hotohori announced and flipped his hair.  
  
"And I'm soooo thirsty… Tamahomeee I want something to drink! And eat! Ne? Ne? Can we stop now?" Miaka whined. She gazed around the surroundings. Suddenly, she perked up immensely. Water… She was sure she heard water! With lightning speed, she jumped off the horse and took off running. "Mizu! Mizuuuu!"  
  
"Miaka! Wait for meeee!" Tamahome cried and ran after her.  
  
"Mou… she's so spoiled." Nuriko sighed and got off his horse and led it towards the direction Miaka and Tamahome ran.  
  
"Hai no da." Chichiri responded, "But she's our miko and friend, we've got to protect her na no da." The rest of the seishi nodded and got down from their horses.   
  
"Oi oi oi! Look at me! Look at me!" Tasuki said, balancing himself on one of the poles sticking up from the springs.   
  
'Why are their poles in the springs?' Chichiri thought, and watched the good-natured bandit until the inevitable happened. He fell in.  
  
Miaka and Hotohori were both too busy to notice the antics of the ignorant. They had their own ignorance to pay attention to.  
  
"Oooo… pretty." Miaka said, looking at her own reflection.  
  
"Oooo… pretty." Hotohori said, gazing into his pool. 'I'm irresistible.' He thought happily and leaned closer.  
  
*Splash*  
  
Both the clumsy and the narcissistic fell in.  
  
"MIAKA!" Tamahome shouted and jumped towards the pool, missing by centimeters and falling into the pool beside it.  
  
How many springs were in this place anyways?  
  
"Fascinating…" Chiriko muttered and took a vial out of his bag. Leaning over, he tried to get a sample of the spring. The water wasn't dark, but it was so deep, you couldn't see the bottom, however they were so close to each other, how could they not be joined by some sort of source? Unfortunately, Chiriko was too busy thinking to pay attention to his footing. He slipped in.  
  
"AIEEEEEE!!!"  
  
A shrill, angry shriek filled the air, followed by the sounds of loud cursing.   
  
"Tasuki." Mitsukake determined and ran to the source. He should've been more careful though, he didn't even notice that tiny rock in the middle of the road.  
  
*Splash*  
  
Jusenkyou claimed yet another victim.  
  
Nuriko looked up. "Bakas." He said and reapplied his lipstick. "It's too hot to be playing around."  
  
Tasuki climbed out of the spring first. "Shit! What the hell's wrong with you guys, you know I can't swim!" he shouted and gasped. "Oi… what the fuck's wrong with my voice?" he said, feeling his throat. Something was missing. "Where's my adam's apple?" he muttered and felt around. Nothing.   
  
He looked down and his eyes widened. "No fucking way… NO FUCKING WAY!!!" he screamed and tore open his shirt which revealed two pale mounds that had NOT been there before. "MY DICK!!! IT'S MISSING!!!" he cried and ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off.  
  
(No offense Susaku-sama.)  
  
Nuriko looked up coldly. He was not in the mood to deal with this today. "Tasuki, why don't you look in your pants where you left it?"  
  
Tasuki ran up to him angrily, "It's not there, I've checked!" he screamed and put Nuriko's hands on his breasts. "I'm a fuckin' GIRL!"   
  
Nuriko's eyes widened and he lifted Tasuki off the ground with ease. "Where is it, Tasuki!? WHERE IS THE SPRING!?" he asked desperately. Tasuki just whimpered and mourned the loss of his manhood with as much dignity as he could scrounge up.  
  
"Oh no! You fall in 'Spring of Drowned Girl' There is tragic legend of girl…" the man started.  
  
"What's wrong with you? Why are you talking like that?" Tasuki grumbled. "Talk normal…"  
  
The man blinked. "I talking normal."  
  
"Shhh… Tasuki-ku er… chan." Nuriko whispered. "The poor man's obviously a little slow." Tasuki growled and nodded.  
  
"Anyway, there is tragic legend of girl who drowned in that spring last week. Now whoever fall in that spring take body of young girl!" the man finished. Nuriko's eyes narrowed dangerously and he grabbed the man.  
  
"Where…is…that… SPRING!?" he demanded and the man shrugged. Nuriko was so flustered he felt like he was going to cry. HE WANTED THAT SPRING!  
  
Hotohori was the next to crawl out. He shook himself dry and looked into the pool, seeing a proud, yet elegant peacock looking back. He sighed in relief.  
  
'I'm still beautiful.'   
  
Miaka crawled out slowly and shook off the water, 'Tamahome?' she thought.  
  
"Meooooooow!" she wailed as she looked around desperately for her lost love.   
  
Tamahome swam out of the spring and stared in horror at the figure in front of him. 'A giant cat!' he thought and got in fighting stance. The cat stared at him and blinked.   
  
"Meow?" Miaka said, and nudged the rat on his back. Tamahome closed his eyes, it looked like this was the end. The cat sniffed him from his whiskers to the tip of his tail and then gave him loving licks. "MEOOOOOOW!" she moaned and nuzzled the little rat.  
  
'Miaka?… What happened to you koi? What happened to ME?" Tamahome thought and looked at his little paws.  
  
"Oh no, you two fall in springs of drowned cat and rat! Very tragic legend of lady who put cat out this morning to chase rat, they drown in spring this afternoon…" the man said, an amused look on his face.  
  
"Oi, this ain't funny…" Tasuki said and grabbed the man angrily. The man gave him a lustful look and Tasuki backed off quickly and hid behind Nuriko. "THIS is what you wanna hafta deal with!?"

  
Chiriko was the next to surface. "Ow… my head." He said and rubbed his temples. Climbing out, he observed things seemed to be a little off. Nuriko was protecting a cursing red headed female, a peacock was in Hotohori's imperial clothing, and a drenched cat was snuggling and licking a rat, who happened to be snuggling back. While he was used to weird occurrences, this was less ordinary than he was used to. The only person who looked like he knew what was going on was Chichiri.

"Chichiri-san, where's everybody gone?" Chiriko asked. Chichiri looked at him and shook his head.

"Chiriko-chan, ne?" he asked. Chiriko nodded and Chichiri led him to a pond where he saw the reflection of a beautiful, voluptuous young woman with golden blond hair and bright blue eyes. She looked like she could have been related to Nakago. Slowly, Chiriko looked down, and saw that the ravishing woman in the pond, was him.

"Fascinating." Was all he could think to say as he got out his chemistry set and started to collect cells and experimenting.

After Nuriko clocked the hentai man by the ponds, he looked out and sighed. "I guess I'm stuck being a man. I don't know which spring is which."

"Oh poor baby." Tasuki said while buttoning up his jacket. "So, where's everyone else?"

Chiriko raised his hand and looked at Tasuki. "I believe the question is WHAT, not where Tasuki-san."

Tasuki blinked and stared at Chiriko. "Chiriko-chan, you're a babe! What the hell kinda spring did you fall inta?" 

"He fall into spring of drowned Ample Blond Bishojo." The man said, holding his hand over his black eye. "Is very tragic legend of beautiful genki cheerleader that drowned last Thursday during Wrestling tournament."

Tasuki narrowed his gaze at the man. "What's WRONG with you people!? Can no one in your fuckin' village SWIM!?"

Nuriko rolled his eyes, "Where's Hotohori-sama?" he asked worriedly. Then he saw a peacock staring into the water and preening himself. "Nevermind."

"Well where's Miaka-san and Tamahome-san?" Chiriko asked and clutched the scraps of his robe, wishing he wasn't so damn curious. Chichiri put his kesa around Chiriko and pointed to the love-love cat and rat couple.

"Oh."

"Well… that's everybody… except Mitsukake… where's he no da?" 

Just then a rustling came from the trees. Tasuki whipped out his tessen and prayed to Susaku it'd still work, regardless of his present femininity.

Out of the bushes came a dark green donkey with a headband on. Tasuki relaxed and put the tessen away.

The man shook his head. "How terrible. Man fall in spring of drowned ass. Is tragic legend of dumb ass that wander into pond and drowned self. Happened 5 minutes before you come. In fact, ass still there." He said and pointed to a donkey carcass floating face down in a pond.

"Well, that's everybody." Chichiri said sighing. "How are we supposed to call Susaku now?" Nuriko frowned and picked up Hotohori, cuddling him gently and whispering words of reassurance that he was still the most beautiful creature on the face of the planet. He cooed in response.

Chiriko thought, and looked at the man. "Is there any way to reverse these changes to our bodies?" The man looked directly at his chest and nodded. 

"Is way you can change back, but… why? You hot…" he replied, before having the sharp end of Tasuki's tessen against his throat.

"Oi ya hentai, he's just a kid. You wanna mess with someone, try me, I'll kick yer ass." Tasuki growled.

"You give me ass?" he asked, signaling towards Mitsukake. 

"NO! I mean I'm gonna shove my tessen up yer fuckin' ass if you don't tell me how ta get my dick back!" Tasuki screamed. "NOW SPILL!"

The frightened man nodded. "Is saying in village that if douse with hot water, curse lifted. If douse with cold, curse return."

"So all we have to do is get them some hot water and they'll become normal again?" Nuriko asked and stroked Hotohori's feathers.

"Yes, but when cold water touch them, they change back to form of curse." The man said and slowly backed away from Tasuki.

Chichiri smiled, as always, "Then there's still hope na no da."


	2. Seiryuu's Splash

(And the hits just keep on comin'…)

(And the hits just keep on comin'…)

About an hour later…

"Are we there yet?" Suboshi moaned.

"No…" Amiboshi responded. After a little time had passed…

"Are we there YET?" 

"No! We'll be there when we get there, no sooner!" Amiboshi said angrily.

"Quiet, both of you. You're giving me a headache." Nakago muttered and all was silent. "Lady Yui, are you all right?"

Yui nodded. "I'm fine, but a little tired and thirsty." 

"Very well." Nakago agreed. "Hn…Since you're so bored Suboshi, go ride ahead and look for some water." 

"Hai Nakago-sama." Suboshi said, eager to help Yui-sama. 

Miboshi floated along and rolled his eyes at the love struck teenager.

"OI! NAKAGO-SAMAAAA!!! I'VE FOUND A SPRING!!!" Suboshi wailed. Yui smiled sweetly. 'Suboshi's so nice and upbeat, he always puts me in a better mood.' She thought and sighed. Nakago winced. 'That Suboshi', he thought, 'He always gives me such a migraine.'

"Very well, we'll stop there."

Tomo smiled. Nakago looked SO fine, and he had the perfect view of his perfectly shaped ass, riding behind him and all. 'If only' he thought lustfully and dreamed of his own little world with Nakago. He closed his eyes. "Mmmm… yes Nakago-sama, right there." He moaned softly.

"What?" 

"Uh… er…. Yes Nakago-sama, that spring looks like a perfect place to rest!" he recovered. Nakago shook his head. Tomo didn't honestly think he'd fooled him, did he?

(I LOVE YOU NAKAGO! *Fangirl sigh*)

"Hn… well go to it then, we've still got a ways to go." 

Yui stepped out of the carriage and everyone else dismounted. 

"This is such a lovely place Nakago-sama…" Soi purred. "SO romantic…" Nakago shrugged. 

"This is not the time Soi. Maybe later."

Soi pouted, then plotted, and finally came up with a solution. 'Maybe, I could coax Nakago into taking a refreshing dip in the water with me… if I was naked already… he might be prone to…' she thought excitedly and hurried off to undress.

Ashitare padded along and looked at Miboshi with big eyes. "Please?"

"No."

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE P-LEASE!!!" 

Miboshi sighed. How come the dumb mutt always came to him? Just because he LOOKED like a child, didn't mean he had the brain of one. "Okay…" he sighed. "…But this is the last time!"

"YAY!!!" Ashitare squealed and dropped the slobbery ball in Miboshi's hand. "THROW THE BALL!!! THROW THE BALL!!!"

Miboshi narrowed his eyes and threw the ball hard. 

"YOU THREW THE BALL!!!" Ashitare screamed and jumped into the spring.

"No shit." Miboshi replied, and floated away.

Yui watched everything from under a large willow tree and sighed. She missed her friend, and wondered what she was doing. Mainly with the bishonen babe, Tamahome. 

Suboshi frowned. 'Gotta make her smile. Gotta make her smile.' He thought. Then, he saw the perfect thing. Near a spring there were some beautiful lilies. 'Women love flowers.' He edged closer.

*Splash*

Amiboshi sighed and went to fish his brother out, but slipped on a pile of algae. 

*Splash*

Nakago sighed. 'Stupid henchmen.' He thought coldly. 'This is no time to go swimming. I see Susaku no miko's seishi's tracks here. If I want the plan to continue, we must stay right on their tails.' He frowned, then wondered. 'Maybe we've gotten too close.' He took off his armor and climbed to the top of a hill to get a better lay of the land.

Tomo watched his every move, of course. 'Gods, he's so handsome, and without that armor… Nothing's left to the imagination…' By the time Tomo'd realized it, he was TINGLING with pleasure. 'Oh shit.' He thought, straining against his pants. 'Can't move… but must…' But now Tomo was in a panic. He quickly dove into a spring.

"YOO HOO!!! NAKAGO-SAMA!!!!" Soi wailed and waved at the blond bishonen.

"Hn?" Nakago mumbled, he turned and lost his footing on the rock, falling into the spring in front of him.

"Oops." Soi muttered and slipped under the water. Miboshi snickered. 'This is going to be interesting.'

"Throw the ball agaiiiin!" Ashitare whimpered.

"For the last time, N-" Miboshi yelled and looked at the young man with a ball in his mouth.

Ashitare blinked. "Nani, Miboshi-san?… Did you change your mind already?" he asked.

Miboshi stared in shock. Instead of the drooling, disgusting canine monster, there was a beautiful, light-haired, green-eyed bishonen in front of him. "…………"

"Oh no, he fall in spring of drowned bishonen!" the man said, and Miboshi stared at him.

"Who the hell are you and why are you talking like that?"

"Is very tragic legend of handsome guy who fall in spring not last Tuesday, but Tuesday before that. Actually, he better off that way."

Soi whimpered and crawled out of the spring. "Poor Nakago-sama, I hope he's not too angry at me."

The man's jaw dropped. "Oh no, you fall in spring of drowned whore! Is tragic tale of whore who killed self in spring last night! Now everyone who fall in take body of whorish woman!"

Everyone sweatdropped, and the man got a second black eye.

Next to hop out of the spring was a little bunny. It wiggled it's little paws and twitched it's little ears and nose. It was SO cute.

"Oh no, he fall in spring of drowned bunny! Tragic story of little girl who lost bunny early in week and found it drowned in that spring! Now all who fall in spring take form of bunny!

Suboshi shrugged and shook until he was thoroughly dry, then took the opportunity to hop into Yui's arms.

"Awwww, how adorable!" She said happily and hugged the bunny to her chest. Suboshi suffered a massive nosebleed immediately. "Poor baby… well, you're mine now." She said and giggled. "And from now on your name is B-chan!"

Suboshi smiled slyly and snuggled into her arms where he promptly fell asleep.

After a few moments of silence, everyone thought the rest of the seishi had drowned and were starting to pack up, but then…

"Blah… all this algae… sick… however… strangely attractive." Amiboshi muttered and felt his pants shrink. 'What the hell's wrong with me!?' he thought and curled up.

"Oh, very bad sir. You fall in spring of drowned lecher! He put to death in spring last month because late one night he snuck out and screwed anything he could get dirty hands on. Now anyone who fall in spring become super horny!"

Amiboshi stared in horror at the man, who he also found disturbingly attractive, as the rest of the seishi snickered. 

Tomo moaned and shook his head. He felt strange and somewhat off balance. "Hn.."

"OH NO! POOR YOU SIR! You fall in spring of drowned man-who-couldn't-get it up! Is TRAGIC legend of man who discover no matter how hard he try or how much porn he look at, he can never get… inspired."

Tomo thought for a second and then left. 'Now I must find a rope, and hang myself.'

Amiboshi whimpered loudly and shut his eyes while trying to keep the bishonen Ashitare from sniffing his crotch. "It could be worse Tomo-san…"

Tomo looked at him in anger because the boy was obviously more 'talented' than himself. "I see." He growled and walked off.

Last to come out of the pools was Nakago. He blinked angrily and shook the water off himself. Looking around, he saw few of his seishi left in their original forms. 'It seems we have a minor setback.' He thought and walked over to the group that seemed to be forming. 

"Where's Nakago-sama?" Soi said and bit her nails worriedly. "I hope he's okay." She sat down. 'No matter what happened, I'll always love him.' She determined.

'Soi…' Nakago thought and crawled onto her lap. 'My faithful S-'

"AIEEEEEEE!!! EW EW EW EW EW!!! A LIZARD!!! A NASTY LIZARD JUST *TOUCHED* ME!!!" Soi screamed and threw Nakago off her and into the side of the cliff. Miboshi, who had been documenting the changes in everyone, smiled.

Nakago got up and frowned, pulling out a sign. First of all, I'm a dragon, not a lizard. He flipped the sign over. Second of all, Soi, I'm NAKAGO!

Soi shrinked. "Oops."

Nakago's eyes narrowed. Oops, indeed.

Soi frowned. "I'm so sorry Nakago-sama…" she whimpered and picked up the 16-foot dragon. "Can you still… you know…" she asked, blushing. Nakago raised an elegant eyebrow and a sign.

Sometimes, Soi…

Soi pouted. "I'm sorry… I can't help it…" 

"Yeah…" Miboshi snickered. "After all she fell in the spring of drowned wh-" 

"YOU SAY IT AND I'LL THROW YOU IN A SPRING TOO, YOU WEIRD FLYING FREAKSHOW!" She screamed, dropping Nakago and grabbing Miboshi.

"Okay! Okay! I SWEAR I won't say anything…" he said as she let him go. "Whore."  
  
"THAT'S IT!" 

Soi and Miboshi disappeared into the bushes. There was a rumble of thunder and a crash of lightening.

One came out, the other did not.

………… Nakago's sign read as Soi picked him up and snuggled him happily. He flipped it. We'll worry about cures when we summon Seiryuu.

Ashitare looked up at Nakago from where he was sitting on the ground and tilted his head. "Nakago-sama, how can you write on those signs like that?"

Nakago thought for a minute and took out another sign. I'm not too sure. it said, as he flipped it. I don't suppose it matters much though, as long as I can do it, ne mutt? he smirked and lashed his tail out, whipping the confused bishonen. Ashitare yelped and cowered at his feet. 

"Of course not Nakago-sama!"

Nakago smirked. 

"Oh no, you fall in spring of drowned dragon." The man said, his knees shaking as Nakago turned his gaze to him.

No shit. his sign read as he bared his fangs. Now suppose you tell me about how to change back before I eat you? Soi smiled. 'That's my Nakago-sama…' she thought happily and stroked his scales.

"Uh… if douse with cold water, curse activate. If douse with hot, you retain original form." He said, quivering.

Very good. Nakago's sign read. Now go quickly and quietly.

Needless to say, the man ran away FAST. However he bumped into a rather pissed off Tomo.

He was never heard from again.


	3. It's a Girl Thang...

(This…

(This…. is just really weird… very very strange... Anywho, I won't be able to make another chapter for 2 weeks 'cause I'm going out of the country, but if you'd like me to continue or just have C&C, please review and I'll see what I can do. ^_^)

In the meantime, Susaku no Miko's group was in a bit of a jam. 

"C'mon, it's just for one night!" Miaka whined.

"NO! NOT A CHANCE, NO WAY, NOOOOO!" Tasuki growled stubbornly. "They can't see me like this, with my damned body changing sexes every fuckin' time it rains!"

Tamahome smirked. "Ah, c'mon Tasuki-ku… chan… Your mom'll be thrilled that she has another daughter. Although with your temper, it'll be hard to find you a man…" he snickered. "Maybe you and Nuriko could…"

"URUSAI! THERE'S ONLY ONE MAN FOR ME! A real man…" Nuriko swooned and turned to Hotohori, who was too busy with a mirror shop he'd found. 'I can't decide which one I want.' He thought sadly. 'They're all so beautiful…'

Tasuki turned bright red. "Why… you…." He growled and splashed Tamahome with the water from his canteen. "YOU DIRTY RAT! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TORTURING ME!?"

Tamahome squeaked indignantly and turned his back to the angry bandit as he went on saying how he was 'still a man despite his unfortunate circumstance'. 

"Aw… koi…" Miaka whimpered and sprinkled a little bit of hot water from her thermos onto the rat. 

"NO MIAKA, DO-… don't na no da." Chichiri yelled. Now there was a naked Tamahome in the middle of the marketplace. Tasuki was WRITHING in laughter. Miaka blushed and went to cover as much of him as she could.

"Thank you love." He muttered, blushing. Nuriko gave Tamahome his clothes and the seishi surrounded him as he quickly dressed. All except Tasuki, of course, who couldn't stop laughing.

"Will somebody stop him no da? We've got to get going if we're to make it to a safe resting area by nightfall na no da."

"Please." Tamahome said and gave a smart smile. "Allow me." He took his canteen and with a flick of the wrist opened it and poured it's contents all over the former bandit leader, who instantly stopped laughing and glared at him with unsurpassed anger.

"I hate you." 

"I know you do, sugar." Tamahome said and raised the canteen to where the present Tasuki couldn't reach. "But if I buy you flowers, you'll still take me home with you, ne?"

"WE ARE NOT STAYING AT MY HOUSE!!! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NEAR, SAFE, OR ANY OF THAT CRAP!!! I WON'T HAVE MY FAMILY SEE ME LIKE… LIKE THIS!!!" Tasuki growled and gestured to his rather large chest. "We're not going to stay there and that's final."

"SHUN'U-CHAAAAN!!!" Tasuki's mother cried and hugged Tasuki tightly. "MY BABY BOY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?" 

The rest of the bishonen winced. This woman was HUGE, and Tasuki struggled greatly under her top-heavy girth. 

"Oi, she's bigger than YOU are Chiriko-chan…" Tamahome whispered.

Chiriko blushed. "Tamahome-saaaan… I'd rather not talk about bust sizes at the moment." Miaka had taken him clothes shopping for his female form earlier, and he'd had his fill of embarrassment for the day. Eventually he'd be speaking to a shrink about the whole fiasco, but that's another story.

"M-om…" Tasuki gasped. "Can't… BREATHE…"

"My precious baby, my only son, mommy's missed you so much!" Tasuki's mother cried happily. "You have NO idea how worried I've been! My little boy, in such dangerous work!" Finally she released him and Tasuki's face returned to it's natural color.

"Missed you too mom." He muttered, catching his breath. "So where's Aidou? Lemme guess… she's still not married, ne? Mom, you'd better do something before she's an old maid…" he said, snickering. Then there was this strange whistling sound.

*CRACK!*

Tasuki lay face down on the ground, suffering from a log to the back of the head. 

"Hn… old maid… I'll show him…" Aidou muttered and picked up the fallen bandit. "IT'S A DAMN GOOD THING YOU'RE HOME! YOU'RE GONNA BE WORKING IN THE FIELDS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!!!"

All the men groaned. This… was DEFINITELY Tasuki's sister.

"Itaiiiiii… what'd ya do that for Aidou…" Tasuki grumbled and rubbed his head. "Still sore about bein' a vir-"

Aidou hoisted another log above her head.

"A WHAT?"

"Uh… um.. a virtuous woman? Eh hehehe…"

*WHACK!*

The young woman then turned to her 'guests' and smiled sweetly. "Oh, hello! I'm Kou Aidou, please make yourselves at home! I'll be out with some tea in a minute." She turned her attention back to Tasuki, "C'mon you miserable deadbeat!" and dragged him back into the house while the rest of the seishi stared in terror.

Miaka smiled happily and took Tamahome's arm. "She seems nice."

Everyone sweatdropped, and they all went in.

"K'so…" Tasuki muttered and dragged the plow angrily. "I hate my sisters, I hate my curse and I hate my life!" He finished around nightfall, right before dinner. 

"Shun'u-chan!!! Don't think you're coming in this house dripping like a little sweatball!" Tasuki's mother said cheerfully. 

"Mom, can I please come inside an' take a bath or somethin' instead?" Tasuki asked hopefully.

"NO!"

Tasuki debated the thought of going hungry and sleeping under the stars versus the possibility of his mom finding out he's a woman.

"Mom, I'm not too hungry… I'll see ya in the morning…" Tasuki muttered and sat down sadly. 'Tonight's shrimp night… I love shrimp night.' He thought and whimpered. 'Well at least I still have my digni-'

"OI, BRO!!!" Aidou said and dumped a bucket of water over his head.

'Dignity…' Tasuki thought and ran quickly into the bathroom in the house, with Aidou right on his heels.

"O-OI OI!!! WHADDYA THINK YOU'RE DOING IN HERE!?" Tamahome yelled and Tasuki grabbed him quickly.

"Kiss me asshole!" he screamed shrilly.

"Na-NANI!? ARE YOU KIDDIN' ME YOU PSYCHO!?" 

Tasuki pressed his lips to Tamahome who was fighting to get the crazy bandit off him.

"Oh… I'm sorry… I heard a scream and…" Aidou said blushing, thinking she'd interrupted her 'sister' and one of their guests. "Have you seen Shun'u around here?" Tamahome realized what was going on, probably faster than a main character should, and answered. 

"Ano… no Shun'u said he was gonna take a bath…" 

Aidou shrugged and left while Tasuki breathed a sigh of relief. Tamahome scowled.

"You stupid shit, why're you a girl!? An' why'd you let her get near you with water!? NEXT TIME YOU'RE KISSIN' MITSUKAKE!!" Tamahome said and the female Tasuki quickly soaked himself in hot water.

"OI! I DIDN'T WANNA DO IT!!! IF I DIDN'T SHE WOULDA SEEN MY FACE! THEN MY FAMILY WOULD KNOW THAT I'M A CHICK!!!" Tasuki yelled angrily. "YOU'RE LUCKY YOU JUST TURN INTA A RAT, BUT WE'RE ALL FREAKS NOW, AN' I DON'T WANT 'EM TO KNOW!!!"

"Then why didn't you shut the door?" Aidou said and looked Tasuki in the eyes. "Brother dearest."

"Oh shit."

Aidou smiled and pinched Tamahome's cheek. "Awww… is this my baby bro's new boyfriend? He's cuuuute."

"OI! WE AIN'T TOGETHER!"

"THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE!"

Aidou smirked. "So… what'll you give me to keep this under wraps?" The boys looked at each other, then looked back at Aidou. 

"Anything." They both said and lowered their heads.

"Good."

After some deliberation, they managed to come to an agreement. Tamahome would finance a little shopping trip, and Tasuki… well Tasuki…

"Turn around… face me… face the side… bend over…" Aidou said and tugged at the dress. "I dunno… do you think this'll make me look fat? It makes YOU look fat… but then again, you were always on the chubby side, ne Shun'u-chan?"

Tasuki grumbled. "I hate you."

"Hm… yeah, this'll make my rear look too big. Try on the blue one again, and make sure you pull it all the way down, I wanna see if it'll accentuate my bosom."

"OI! I don't wanna hear about your fuckin' chest!" Tasuki replied angrily and changed quickly. "Are we almost done yet?"

"Of course not sweet, little Shun'u! We've still got to go bra shopping!" She cackled. Tasuki turned bright red. 'If any of the guys saw me like this…' he thought and twirled for his sister.

"I LOVE IT TASUKI-SAN! IT REALLY BRINGS OUT THE COLOR IN YOUR EYES!" Chiriko-chan yelled from across the room and waved at the blushing bandit. He, or rather SHE, ran up and gave Tasuki a big hug.

"Is there one in my size Tasuki-san?"

"Oh fuckin' crap…" Tasuki muttered and looked at Mitsukake, who was hefting a large column of clothes and jewelry. Miaka and Tamahome were snuggling behind them, and Chichiri was trying desperately to keep a straight face.

"You look... quite… lovely… Tasuki-kun no da!" Chichiri managed to sputter before breaking out into fits of laughter. Tasuki growled, and took the bras from Aidou's waiting hands.

After a few hours, and a cup of hot water, Aidou and the travelers went home for a much needed rest.

(TBC, no da.)


	4. Seiryuu Sleeping Arrangements

Lodging wasn't quite as easy to find for the Seiryuu party…

Lodging wasn't quite as easy to find for the Seiryuu party…

"There's not enough money for everyone to get rooms." Nakago said coldly. "So we will have to pair off until I get more funding from Kutou." Everyone nodded in agreement. "So, who wishes to sleep with me."

When over half the party raised their hands, he sighed and picked Soi, who kindly razzed Tomo, Ashitare, Miboshi, and Yui.

"Will you sleep with me Yui-sama?" Suboshi asked shyly. "You can have the bed." 

"Thank you Suboshi. Do you mind if I keep an animal in the room though? I'd like B-chan to sleep with me, if I can find him." Yui asked and took Suboshi's offered arm. 

"As you wish, Yui-sama." 

Miboshi and Tomo agreed to share a room, partially because they had no sexual feelings for each other, partially because neither of them wanted to be stuck with Ashitare.

"I don't want to sleep with *THAT* Nakago-sama!" Amiboshi whined and pointed to Ashitare. "He drools, he's got fleas, and he pisses all over the room if you don't let him out at night!" Nakago sighed.

"Very well Amiboshi… you may keep him tied outside."

Ashitare whimpered as Amiboshi tied his chains to the side of the building then went inside.

"We need four rooms and dinners for 7." Nakago commanded, thinking that Ashitare could hunt some rodent, chew off a leg or something like that…

"Of course sir, your rooms are right upstairs and to the left, the floor will be yours. Would you like me to carry up your bags?" The hotel owner said nervously.

"WOO-HOO!!! YUI-SAMAAAA!!!" Suboshi shouted happily, using his seishi powers to carry the bags in. "Look at me!"

Yui giggled. "Suboshi-kun, you're so funny!" She smiled hugging him and kissed his nose.

"Gaaaaaahhh… Yui-samaaaaa…" he blushed as a trickle of blood flowed down his nose. All the bags dropped.

"That's quite alright…" Nakago grumbled. "Suboshi, carry the bags to the rooms, now that you've started… and I'd suggest you hurry, or you may walk in on something you do NOT want to see." Soi purred and rubbed up against him to emphasize his point.

Suboshi's nose gushed more blood and he ran awkwardly up the stairs with the bags.

"What's wrong with him? Why's he walking funny?" Yui wondered and picked up her backpack.

Tomo, Nakago and Soi smirked. "No idea…"

After they had all gotten to their rooms and baths had been ordered, they all sat down to a nice meal.

"…And may Seiryuu-sama give us the power to destroy our enemies, and everyone they hold dear." Suboshi said and all the seishi bowed, then began eating their supper.

"Soi and I shall bathe first…." Nakago said and everyone nodded. 

"Oh, so Soi's going to change back?" Miboshi asked, and wiped his mouth flying away before the bolt of lightening could fry him.

"WHY YOU!!!" Soi shrieked and chased after the laughing monk. Nakago watched in amusement and finished his meal.

"Come Soi…" he said softly and Soi stopped, forgetting all about the rude little body snatcher.

"Purrrrr… as you wish Nakago-sama…" she drooled and followed him to the bathroom. Yui blushed.

"We… don't all have to bathe together, do we?"

'That's a GREAT idea!' Suboshi thought and splashed himself with his water. He twitched his bunny nose and looked in the tin cup, smoothing out his whiskers and ears.

"Oh, B-chan! Where'd you come from? Poor baby, you're all wet again…. Give mommy a hug!" Yui squealed and clutched the drenched bunny against her bosom. "Baby wanna bath? Baby can bathe with Mommy since Suboshi-kun appears to be missing…" Suboshi's nose began to bleed again as she covered him in kisses.

Amiboshi scowled at his brother's crude behavior and tried to finish quickly. 'I'm not getting involved… he'll be discovered for the pervert he is…' he thought.

"Whoopsies!" Tomo yelped as he spilled his water all over Amiboshi. "I'm SO sorry…"

Amiboshi growled and tried his hardest not to think about… hardness. "I hate you…"

Tomo smiled and licked his finger, then trailed it down his bottom lip to his chest. "Ohhhhh…. Ami-chan… are you doing anything tonight?"

"I… I-I… I'M GOING FOR A WALK NOW!" Amiboshi whined and ran off as fast as he could. Tomo sighed sadly.

"No sweet, sweet lovin' for Tomo tonight." He said sadly and went to bed.

Amiboshi ran off into the rain, he DESPERATELY needed a release for this sexual tension.

"Excuse me… but… you smell wonderful." Someone whispered behind him. He turned slowly and saw a beautiful blond man with bright green eyes. 

This was too much for his hormone addled mind to handle, so he did the next best thing. He fainted.

"Awwww… look at these poor men… left out in the rain…" A beautiful girl in a long satin cape whispered. "Amiboshi?… How'd he get out here?…." 

"Hnnn… oh hot baby, come to papa…" Amiboshi whimpered and started to grope the startled young woman.

"Oh my… Please stop that… it tickles…" she laughed and hoisted Amiboshi onto the ass. "And who are you?"

Ashitare whimpered and stared at the woman's chest longingly. She frowned and patted his head sadly.

"Oh you poor poor soul, you must be mentally unstable. Well… I'll take you both back with me and hopefully our hosts can spare a warm meal and bed."

'Meal? Bed?' Ashitare thought and leapt into the woman's arms, licking her up, down, and ALL around. 

"By the way, my name's Chiriko."

(Okay… so I lied about not being able to write anymore before my trip…. BUT I am leaving you all at a cliffhanger, so I don't know if that's any better… Anywho, at least I'm getting a PLOT going, ne? I'll try to write as soon as I get back… or on the plane… whatever. See you all in a couple of weeks! I'll miss you and hope my mailbox is full!)

(P.S.~ This is not, nor will it EVER be, an Ashitare x ANYONE fic. 'Cause I think… that's just not right! Especially with a kawaii child like Chiriko… Also, Tomo-san never gets booty. Gomen. ~_~)


	5. All Washed Up

(Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub...)  
  
(Unfortunately, none are mine, so no sue please.)  
  
"So where'd the sprat go? It's startin' ta rain..." Tasuki said, failing poorly at an attempt to mask his concern.  
  
"He said he was going on a walk to clear his mind. Don't worry though, Mitsukake went with him." Miaka said and shoveled more food into her mouth. Mrs. Kou sweatdropped and worked furiously trying to keep the food coming, but it seemed the more food she put out, the more food Miaka's stomach had room for.  
  
"HELLO~" A cheerful voice rang. "I'm baaaack!"  
  
The rest of the group sighed in relief.  
  
It seemed that despite Chiriko's intelligence, he was UNBELIEVABLY naïve to anything sexual in nature. He didn't understand that his female form was, in fact, a hottie. Therefore other guys would do some very... unusual things to get 'his' attention.  
  
"Welcome back Chiriko-chan, how was your walk?" Mrs. Kou said pleasantly.   
  
Mrs. Kou had noticed the changes during an attempt to exterminate a rat that'd entered the kitchen. Needless to say, she was shocked when Miaka screamed, picked up the dirty thing, and started rubbing it against her face. At that time, Aidou told her about everyone, except Shun'u, who was eternally grateful for his sister keeping her word.  
  
"Oh, it was wonderful, thank you. However I'm in dire need of a bath... Also, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking in two more guests?"  
  
"Not at all... but who are they?"   
  
Mitsukake came in. "HEE HAAAAW~"  
  
Chiriko blushed, "Gomen Mitsukake-san, let me get them off you." He took the still unconscious Amiboshi and still whimpering Ashitare and put them on the floor. To his surprise this took a great deal of effort, since Amiboshi appeared to have gotten stuck to his breasts.  
  
"Mmmmm..." he moaned and snuggled against Chiriko. "Hot mama..."  
  
The rest of the Seishi sweatdropped.  
  
"Chiriko, ya know... you can't take every man that you see home...." Tamahome said, then thought about all the money he could make as Chiriko's pimp. "Hmmm..."  
  
Tasuki whacked him over the head, obviously reading the greedy look on his face.  
  
"Well they were locked out and soaking wet.... And this one man was dressed in scraps... I had to bring them someplace warm." Chiriko whimpered.  
  
"Very well, that's enough. Chiriko-chan, you're welcome to treat your guests to a bath first... I insist they're clean before they eat..." Mrs. Kou said.  
  
"Thank you Kou-san!" Chiriko said and dragged the two bishonen to the bathroom.  
  
After filling the tub, Chiriko patted Ashitare's head. "Are you ready for a nice warm bath?" Ashitare nodded and leaped in.  
  
"PURRRRRR..."  
  
"AHHHHHH!!!" Chiriko's scream echoed through the house, and woke up the peacefully sleeping Amiboshi.  
  
"PURRRRRR... oh baby, sexy mama, where've you BEEN all my life!?"   
  
Amiboshi launched himself at the screaming Chiriko and...  
  
*SPLASH*  
  
A boy in a dress, a blushing man, and a dog-man-thing sat in the water, in silence as the room filled with the Kou family, the bishonen, and the creature known by all as Miaka.  
  
"Towel please?"  



End file.
